Hold your breath and count to ten, Fall apart and start again.
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firebliss22
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Name: Staci
Gender: Female
Interests: Bowling, Softball, Friends, Family, Diet Soda, Cheez its, Go-gurt, Videogames, Web Design
Expertise: I'd like to develop better skills in web design, computers, drawing, and writing.
Occupation: Student, Sears Employee
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM: 
icatstaci
AIM: 
MissesFreed
Member Since:
2/11/2004
Wednesday, March 18, 2009The thing that is most important to me is my identity.
Friday, August 08, 2008to a friend
I never update this. But maybe you'll read it someday.
I remember when we first became friends. We had talked for a while, but we weren't very close. You had all this drama with your boyfriend and one of your good friends and somehow I became the bearer of bad news and stuck slightly in the middle of your confrontation. This caused some phone calls made, and that's when we started talking on the phone, getting to know each other.
About two months later, there was a break-up, common for a 9th grade relationship. Really, no big deal at all. But young as we were, it had a big impact on you. And I was there for you. I couldn't see why it got you so upset and why you went to some of the extremes like you did, but I was there for you. I had gone through a break-up too around the same time so it was easy for us to communicate feelings. I dealt with mine differently and I was okay, so a lot of the focus went on you, but I didn't care. I had a friend and she was hurt, and I knew she shouldn't be hurting like that.
Ever since then we had been slightly inseperable, always knowing we were only a phone cords length away from each other.
Years went by and we became best friends. Broadway shows, school dances, birthday parties, shopping trips. We always liked to show up together.
You were quite the maneater and had a lot of boyfriends, each with their own drama. I was never one to get persued, and even though I didn't understand why then, I know why now. I learned a lot from your relationships with boys. I guess it's safe to say I learned from some of your mistakes. Common mistakes young girls make, but ones I didn't have to oppurtunity to make. I was somewhat socially awkward and my hormones took a little longer to start raging. So I focused a lot on helping you and being by your side through a lot of your relationships. I liked it though. It was fun making you become more open to singing to them, saying I love you just to make them happy even though you didn't mean it. Three way phone calls so that I could tell you what I liked about the guy and how to go upon persuing them.
In a dreadful high school year, an evil guy came into your life. Probably the creepiest and meanest guy I've ever heard about. Mind-controlling, demeaning, selfish and a complete loser. I couldn't believe that you had feelings for this beast. Even though I was disappointed and shocked at some of the things you did and your continued relationship with him, I continously told you to protect yourself, that you were better than him, he was a loser, he's going nowhere in life. And I know you understand now and don't understand what was going on with you then. But I was always there for you through all of that. I thought it was ridiculous, what you were doing, but I sympathized and spent nights talking to you when your heart was breaking. I did everything in my power to convince you that you were better. That you were an amazing woman that didn't deserve a stupid guy like that. My best friend went missing all through those times. You weren't yourself, you didn't smile, you were always sad. It lasted what seemed like forever but eventually you got yourself on track, which was a relief.
Then there were times I remember you being so depressed about some family situations. You were in pain and it really hurt me to see you that way. I helped you write several letters to your absent parent so that you could get out all that anger you had towards them. I was glad I could be there with you to help you express yourself in ways that sometimes you couldn't do on your own. And through that you helped me realize some of my natural talents: writing and therapy. I remember being on vacation with you, peeking through the blinds as a heart-breaking arguement occurred on the sidewalk below. I could see it in your face. The most disappointment and upset look I've ever seen in someone's eyes. It made me cry too. You were my best friend and I'd never felt so bad in my life.
I know I was never one to hug you, or tell you everything I'm writing now to your face. But I thought it was clear that I showed things differently and I thought you understood. I thought all those letters I helped you write, the break-ups I talked you through, the self image I tried to get you to project on yourself, all the times I told you how you didn't deserve the way you were being treated, I thought that that was enough to show you I cared.
As stressful as it was, and it really was hard trying to protect you and help you, I liked being your best friend because we laughed a lot, liked a lot of the same things, and just got along really well.
You were there for me too through some things. Through a lot of the fights with my mom and through a few fights with my ex-boyfriend. But there's some things I never told you. When me and that boy were at the end of our relationship. I felt awful. I've never felt so stressed out and crazy in my life. I remember calling you to talk about it a few times, but those few times you had things going on too. Things with your absent parent, and things with that asshole guy. And sometimes you'd call me upset, but I was upset too. I dropped how depressed I was to help you instead. I let you cry and sucked my tears up because I wanted to be there for you. I was glad to help you. But i'd never felt so alone in my life. I had no one there with me through the break up. I don't know if you remember. But I went through that completely by myself. I never said anything and eventually just shoved it off my chest. But while I'm writing all this, I thought you should know. You got a job with one of our friends a while back and started getting really close to them. Meanwhile I was heart-broken and depressed but we barely hung out anymore. We talked about it before, how you stopped hanging out with me and you took notice of it and owned up to it. But we never talked about how you stopped hanging out with me when I needed you most.
I sacraficed things to be your friend. I pushed my life off to the side to help you. And that is what a true friend is and that is what I am.
When you started talking again to your current boyfriend I was nothing but encouraging. I realized what you guys could have and I'm the one who pushed you to give him a chance. I set it up for him to ask you out and I was so happy when I saw how happy you were on that dance floor.
Then our little fight happened. You insisted that not seeing me for close to a month made it so our relationship could never build back up again. You completely gave up and showed me that you don't care. You don't care enough about me to make this work. You have your boyfriend and you're happy with him which is great. But I was there for you all the times that he wasn't. For the record, when you said it was a month since you've seen me It was literally half of that. Two and half weeks, it was since the graduation party. Today, it's still four more days until it's actually been a month.
I told you I didn't want to give up. You told me it was too late. Too difficult. You showed me that I'm not worth your time. The 260 weeks that we've known each other and you drop me like a bad habit because of 2 1/2 weeks that we didn't talk that much. What about the months that you were hanging out with that other friend, and the months that you were going over that dick's house on the weekends? I never dropped you after that.
You've clearly stated in your surveys that you are happier than ever, that nothing is bothering you. It's hard to believe that you're okay because I'm not. But if it's true that you are as happy as you say you are, than I'm happy for you. I hope you stay that way and I wish you good luck in your career. I thought we'd stay friends forever but I guess I was wrong. But at least I know that I'm not the one who gave up. I tried and I guess that's not good enough. You've still got some girl friends that you hang out with. But I can promise you that they won't look out for you like I did. They won't care enough to tell you when you're wrong and give you the right advice to help you remember what a smart person you are.
I had some of the best times of my life with you and I'll never forget you as a friend.
Monday, September 10, 2007Not really much to update about....But I'm still alive.
I still work at Sears. I have a new boyfriend. And he's extremely relaxed, respectful, and smart.
I've been extremely happy the whole summer. I've been thinking positively and just living life the happiest I can, no matter what.
Monday, June 18, 2007We tried to bleed the sickness, but we drained our hearts instead.
Well. Steve and I broke up. It's hard to believe that someone who devoted their heart and a lot of time to hanging out with you could not even want to be your friend. I understand that he might need time, and it's hard. But it's hard for me too. The relationship was 50/50, so I am just upset. I am just trying to handle it really maturely. I really want to be his friend and I still love him and care about him a lot. He was my best friend, and now he's throwing away our friendship like I'm a bitch or something. He's talking to me like I did something completely irrational and horrible, when I did nothing but send him kind messages. I just want us to have a clean relationship. It sucks so bad. I'm glad we're both hanging out with a bunch of different people, because more friends eases the pain. But I still miss hanging out with him. He was fun and up for anything. That's one of the things I loved. I hate putting forth effort and getting nowhere. And I know I should just stop, but I made him a promise that I'd always try to be his friend. I hate breaking promises.
Friday, March 23, 2007Let her sing...if it eases all her pain.
Updiddle!
Sears is good. School is good. Social life is ok. Relationship life is shaky.
I'm watching the Ringer right now. I like it better now that I've watched it a few times. I watched Just Friends a few times and that's pretty funny too. I want to see that new movie coming out soon with Will Farrell or however you spell it.
I'm thinking that I should wait a longer time to get a car. Maybe buy a better one. Idk anymore. Gas cash and insurance money is gonna sink me. That's like what? 15 bucks a week for insurance, and let's say.... 30 dollars a week for gas. So profit wise, for my pay check, after doing all the math, I'd get like... a hundred bucks. MAYBE. And that sucks. I can't wait 'till summer so I can work a lot more. If they don't give me hours, I'm just going to apply somewhere else and have 2. I might get a summer job with my mom if her company still does it. That'll be cool. 
People are so hard to deal with, even if they are the people that know you best. BLAH.
IDK why I updiddled.
| firebliss22 |
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read my profile sign my guestbook Name: Staci Gender: Female Interests: Bowling, Softball, Friends, Family, Diet Soda, Cheez its, Go-gurt, Videogames, Web Design Expertise: I'd like to develop better skills in web design, computers, drawing, and writing. Occupation: Student, Sears Employee Industry: Other Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website AIM: icatstaciAIM: MissesFreed
Member Since: 2/11/2004 |
The thing that is most important to me is my identity. | |
to a friendI never update this. But maybe you'll read it someday.
I remember when we first became friends. We had talked for a while, but we weren't very close. You had all this drama with your boyfriend and one of your good friends and somehow I became the bearer of bad news and stuck slightly in the middle of your confrontation. This caused some phone calls made, and that's when we started talking on the phone, getting to know each other. About two months later, there was a break-up, common for a 9th grade relationship. Really, no big deal at all. But young as we were, it had a big impact on you. And I was there for you. I couldn't see why it got you so upset and why you went to some of the extremes like you did, but I was there for you. I had gone through a break-up too around the same time so it was easy for us to communicate feelings. I dealt with mine differently and I was okay, so a lot of the focus went on you, but I didn't care. I had a friend and she was hurt, and I knew she shouldn't be hurting like that. Ever since then we had been slightly inseperable, always knowing we were only a phone cords length away from each other. Years went by and we became best friends. Broadway shows, school dances, birthday parties, shopping trips. We always liked to show up together. You were quite the maneater and had a lot of boyfriends, each with their own drama. I was never one to get persued, and even though I didn't understand why then, I know why now. I learned a lot from your relationships with boys. I guess it's safe to say I learned from some of your mistakes. Common mistakes young girls make, but ones I didn't have to oppurtunity to make. I was somewhat socially awkward and my hormones took a little longer to start raging. So I focused a lot on helping you and being by your side through a lot of your relationships. I liked it though. It was fun making you become more open to singing to them, saying I love you just to make them happy even though you didn't mean it. Three way phone calls so that I could tell you what I liked about the guy and how to go upon persuing them. In a dreadful high school year, an evil guy came into your life. Probably the creepiest and meanest guy I've ever heard about. Mind-controlling, demeaning, selfish and a complete loser. I couldn't believe that you had feelings for this beast. Even though I was disappointed and shocked at some of the things you did and your continued relationship with him, I continously told you to protect yourself, that you were better than him, he was a loser, he's going nowhere in life. And I know you understand now and don't understand what was going on with you then. But I was always there for you through all of that. I thought it was ridiculous, what you were doing, but I sympathized and spent nights talking to you when your heart was breaking. I did everything in my power to convince you that you were better. That you were an amazing woman that didn't deserve a stupid guy like that. My best friend went missing all through those times. You weren't yourself, you didn't smile, you were always sad. It lasted what seemed like forever but eventually you got yourself on track, which was a relief. Then there were times I remember you being so depressed about some family situations. You were in pain and it really hurt me to see you that way. I helped you write several letters to your absent parent so that you could get out all that anger you had towards them. I was glad I could be there with you to help you express yourself in ways that sometimes you couldn't do on your own. And through that you helped me realize some of my natural talents: writing and therapy. I remember being on vacation with you, peeking through the blinds as a heart-breaking arguement occurred on the sidewalk below. I could see it in your face. The most disappointment and upset look I've ever seen in someone's eyes. It made me cry too. You were my best friend and I'd never felt so bad in my life. I know I was never one to hug you, or tell you everything I'm writing now to your face. But I thought it was clear that I showed things differently and I thought you understood. I thought all those letters I helped you write, the break-ups I talked you through, the self image I tried to get you to project on yourself, all the times I told you how you didn't deserve the way you were being treated, I thought that that was enough to show you I cared. As stressful as it was, and it really was hard trying to protect you and help you, I liked being your best friend because we laughed a lot, liked a lot of the same things, and just got along really well. You were there for me too through some things. Through a lot of the fights with my mom and through a few fights with my ex-boyfriend. But there's some things I never told you. When me and that boy were at the end of our relationship. I felt awful. I've never felt so stressed out and crazy in my life. I remember calling you to talk about it a few times, but those few times you had things going on too. Things with your absent parent, and things with that asshole guy. And sometimes you'd call me upset, but I was upset too. I dropped how depressed I was to help you instead. I let you cry and sucked my tears up because I wanted to be there for you. I was glad to help you. But i'd never felt so alone in my life. I had no one there with me through the break up. I don't know if you remember. But I went through that completely by myself. I never said anything and eventually just shoved it off my chest. But while I'm writing all this, I thought you should know. You got a job with one of our friends a while back and started getting really close to them. Meanwhile I was heart-broken and depressed but we barely hung out anymore. We talked about it before, how you stopped hanging out with me and you took notice of it and owned up to it. But we never talked about how you stopped hanging out with me when I needed you most. I sacraficed things to be your friend. I pushed my life off to the side to help you. And that is what a true friend is and that is what I am. When you started talking again to your current boyfriend I was nothing but encouraging. I realized what you guys could have and I'm the one who pushed you to give him a chance. I set it up for him to ask you out and I was so happy when I saw how happy you were on that dance floor. Then our little fight happened. You insisted that not seeing me for close to a month made it so our relationship could never build back up again. You completely gave up and showed me that you don't care. You don't care enough about me to make this work. You have your boyfriend and you're happy with him which is great. But I was there for you all the times that he wasn't. For the record, when you said it was a month since you've seen me It was literally half of that. Two and half weeks, it was since the graduation party. Today, it's still four more days until it's actually been a month. I told you I didn't want to give up. You told me it was too late. Too difficult. You showed me that I'm not worth your time. The 260 weeks that we've known each other and you drop me like a bad habit because of 2 1/2 weeks that we didn't talk that much. What about the months that you were hanging out with that other friend, and the months that you were going over that dick's house on the weekends? I never dropped you after that. You've clearly stated in your surveys that you are happier than ever, that nothing is bothering you. It's hard to believe that you're okay because I'm not. But if it's true that you are as happy as you say you are, than I'm happy for you. I hope you stay that way and I wish you good luck in your career. I thought we'd stay friends forever but I guess I was wrong. But at least I know that I'm not the one who gave up. I tried and I guess that's not good enough. You've still got some girl friends that you hang out with. But I can promise you that they won't look out for you like I did. They won't care enough to tell you when you're wrong and give you the right advice to help you remember what a smart person you are. I had some of the best times of my life with you and I'll never forget you as a friend. | |
Not really much to update about....But I'm still alive. I still work at Sears. I have a new boyfriend. And he's extremely relaxed, respectful, and smart. I've been extremely happy the whole summer. I've been thinking positively and just living life the happiest I can, no matter what. | |
We tried to bleed the sickness, but we drained our hearts instead.Well. Steve and I broke up. It's hard to believe that someone who devoted their heart and a lot of time to hanging out with you could not even want to be your friend. I understand that he might need time, and it's hard. But it's hard for me too. The relationship was 50/50, so I am just upset. I am just trying to handle it really maturely. I really want to be his friend and I still love him and care about him a lot. He was my best friend, and now he's throwing away our friendship like I'm a bitch or something. He's talking to me like I did something completely irrational and horrible, when I did nothing but send him kind messages. I just want us to have a clean relationship. It sucks so bad. I'm glad we're both hanging out with a bunch of different people, because more friends eases the pain. But I still miss hanging out with him. He was fun and up for anything. That's one of the things I loved. I hate putting forth effort and getting nowhere. And I know I should just stop, but I made him a promise that I'd always try to be his friend. I hate breaking promises. | |
Let her sing...if it eases all her pain.Updiddle! Sears is good. School is good. Social life is ok. Relationship life is shaky. I'm watching the Ringer right now. I like it better now that I've watched it a few times. I watched Just Friends a few times and that's pretty funny too. I want to see that new movie coming out soon with Will Farrell or however you spell it. I'm thinking that I should wait a longer time to get a car. Maybe buy a better one. Idk anymore. Gas cash and insurance money is gonna sink me. That's like what? 15 bucks a week for insurance, and let's say.... 30 dollars a week for gas. So profit wise, for my pay check, after doing all the math, I'd get like... a hundred bucks. MAYBE. And that sucks. I can't wait 'till summer so I can work a lot more. If they don't give me hours, I'm just going to apply somewhere else and have 2. I might get a summer job with my mom if her company still does it. That'll be cool. People are so hard to deal with, even if they are the people that know you best. BLAH.
IDK why I updiddled. | |
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